Couples: Building Trust in Relationships
Building and maintaining trust is essential for any healthy relationship. For couples who experience anxiety, however, trust can feel elusive, even unattainable. Building trust seems like a daunting, life-altering decision rather than a gradual and intentional process.
But building trust doesn’t have to be overwhelming. It can be simpler and more approachable than you might think.
When trust is strained, many of us retreat into our own minds, spinning scenarios and assumptions about what our partner is thinking or doing. These thoughts can fuel feelings of anxiety, which in turn influence how we react toward our partner. Often, this reaction does not reflect what we truly feel inside.
In one of my sessions, I worked with a couple navigating these challenges. Early in their relationship, an incident led to mistrust and lingering anxiety for both partners. While they were committed to rebuilding trust, their anxiety often triggered defensive and judgmental reactions. Their words came out as jabs and accusations, but beneath these outbursts were unspoken feelings of fear, uncertainty, and pain from the past.
To help, I encouraged each partner to openly share their thought process. What was the first thought that triggered their anxiety and mistrust? How did those initial thoughts evolve into hurtful comments?
By verbalizing these internal experiences, the couple gained insight into each other's feelings. This practice allowed them to let down their guards and hold space for vulnerability. In that session, instead of attacking one another, they comforted each other. They saw the pain behind the words and responded with empathy rather than defensiveness.
So how can we apply this in our own relationship?
Identify Your Triggers: Reflect on the thoughts and feelings that arise when you feel anxious or distrustful. What are you assuming about your partner? Where do these thoughts come from?
Share Your Thoughts and Feelings: Openly communicate your thoughts and emotions. Let them know what’s happening internally, even if it feels vulnerable or uncomfortable. Example: “I’m starting to feel anxious and my anxiety is telling me that you don’t care about me. It’s making me want to take jabs at you and yell at you for little things.”
Create a Safe Space: Create an environment where both of you can express yourselves without fear of judgment or retaliation. This builds a foundation for honest and empathetic communication.
Work Together: Use these conversations to reassure each other and align on how to address the root causes of anxiety and mistrust.
Conclusion
Building trust is about connection. Inviting your partner into your thought process, even when it’s messy or uncertain, is a powerful way to strengthen your bond.
It’s okay to feel embarrassed or hesitant to share your struggles, but vulnerability builds empathy and deeper trust. Even when mistakes happen, your partner is more likely to respond with understanding because they see the intention behind your actions.
Remember, trust isn’t built in grand gestures; it grows through everyday choices to let your partner see and support the real you. By taking these steps together, you’ll create a relationship that feels more secure, connected, and resilient.
And if you or someone you know is looking to start therapy or a new therapist, schedule a consultation with me through this link.